5 Reasons Your Child Wants To Quit, And Why They Shouldn't
Simply put, Violin is hard. It takes consistency, mental and physical effort, and requires lots of external help. But sticking with it might be the smartest thing you’ve ever done.
1. “Because it’s too hard.” Don’t let your child quit because it’s too hard. Teaching your child to quit when something gets hard is a lesson that will follow them wherever they go…they should learn it now while they have personal care of their teacher, the community of group class, amazing rewards at the end of the road. At our school, those examples include playing at Symphony Center, Allegro, Chicago Consort, world and national tours, etc. These are golden opportunities, and it helps to teach your child about the long game.
2. “Because practicing makes me tired.” Playing an instrument is the only way to fire all areas of the brain and exercise your child’s brains full potential. Hello college, good jobs, good relationships, good values, and happiness. Watch this Ted Talk for more information!
3. “Because I’ve been stuck in the same place forever and I'm not moving forward.” Hello again, life lesson. When you are 30 years old, stuck in the same place you were when you were 20, making the same mistakes and ending up unhappy, are you going to quit life? Just keep doing what you are doing? What are you going to do about it? You don’t quit life, you find a way to make a change. You find a way to better yourself. At your lessons with your teacher, if you are staying in the same place, they are probably giving you tons of advice on how to make that change so that you can move forward. But if you aren’t moving forward, its not the violin’s fault, its your practice habits. Teach your child how to change the course of their journey when their path isn’t getting them to where they want to go, and find a new route to the same destination.
4. “Because I don’t sound good, and I don’t sound as good as ‘Suzie Suzuki’. “ Well, Suzie has her struggles too, and she could be thinking “I don't have as good of posture as Jimmy”. As humans we naturally compare ourselves to others, and it can bring us down. There are two ways you can view this; take Suzies playing and use it as motivation to get better, or, ignore Suzie. Your violin journey is different than Suzie’s. Every child is different, and you have to read your child to decide which direction is going to help them.
5. “Because I hate practicing.” Yes, this is common. Simply put, practicing is hard. Because practicing means you have to be real with yourself, criticize yourself, work on things that are hard, and put in time when some of your other friends are playing outside or at the pool. Yes, it’s hard work. But all good things take hard work, take dedication, and take grit. One of the best things I ever learned from my parents and in life was the lesson of grit. Doing things that I didn’t want to do. And to be honest, most of the time, kids hate practicing because they think they sound bad. No one wants to feel bad about what they are doing! But violin has to be a healthy balance between being okay with sounding bad and working to be better because you know the end goal IS in fact sounding better, and then also sounding good and feeling good about what you are doing. If your child is struggling, practice things that are easy for them so that they can feel better about what they are doing. But in the end, violin is a long game, not a short game. The day in and day out tough practicing will give them those huge achievements at the end that make them feel like they can do anything. These are the “big money” wins— the solo recitals, the Allegro performances, the Consort tours, the Symphony center stage. You don’t get those big money wins most places, but your little daily practices will get you there.
6. Because this is not just about violin— it is about the relationship you have with your child, the relationship you both have with music, and the relationship they have with their internal dialogue. Bingo. This is your opportunity as a parent to set aside your 30 minutes of practice time with your child, and parent them “indirectly”. You can teach them life lessons that they might not listen to if you just sit them down at the kitchen table. You can create a relationship with something that is beautiful; music. You can set aside the craziness of your busy life and dedicate that time fully to your child. That is a gift. And you can use that time to help set the storyline for how they perceive themselves as a human being. You can give them an identity, you can give them confidence, and support. When things get hard, kids don’t know what to do and how to get through it. You are able to help write that narrative for their lives. That they were able to push forward, to conquer, and to be strong. Give them that gift.
When you sign your child up for violin lessons, you are investing in the long game. The long game of life lessons, the long game of gratification, the long game of personal growth.