The Balance of Wonder and Discipline
Keeping the balance between these two is the eternal struggle for every Suzuki Teacher and Parent. How do we keep our children motivated, as well as practicing every single day, sometimes with thousands of repetitions of the same thing?
Because it’s not about either of those things. It’s not about motivation, and it’s not about the number of repetitions you did.
It’s about learning to fuel your child.
Whether your child becomes a musician or not, something that we all need as human beings is the innate sense to fuel our minds and bodies. We have this instinct to create, to solve, to work, to question, to answer, to ground ourselves, to feel free, and to love. It is in all of us in some shape or form. But how do we teach our children to feed themselves in the most positive way?
There is an old Cherokee story, called “The Story of Two Wolves”:
“ An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy. “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”
He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
Our mission in the Suzuki journey is that we feed the inner child’s sense of good. This is our purpose in teaching music.
With this, their sense of joy will fuel their sense of wonder. Motivation will always come and go, but wonder and curiosity will fuel their practice whether they want to practice or not. If tended to correctly, a violinist will always be curious about something on their instrument; what are the notes to the next section? Why is my violin scratching? Why does this feel hard? How does this professional violinist sound so incredible and how do they do it? What can I do to make my easiest review song sound more beautiful? This is not inspiration, it’s not motivation— it is the human instinct to solve, to search, to find, and to celebrate a win.
Any sort of “motivation” for practice that is not wonder or curiosity, is a short term solution. Snacks/food, playtime, video games, money, games, etc is not the solution.
However, teaching discipline is also part of the puzzle here. If your child just doesn’t want to practice that day due to whatever reason (we know there are unlimited reasons and excuses why they won’t want to or “can’t”), this is where we teach discipline. Sometimes, we do what we don’t want to do for the sake of doing it. We are teaching them that skill comes with a commitment, and that there isn’t always going to be that spark of curiosity and excitement. Sometimes, buckling down and doing the hard stuff is what makes us feel stronger and more accomplished. Even though its hard and not as “fun”, it’s where we grow, and where we build our tough skin to be able to conquer anything.
The Lotus flower is being known to grown in mud. While it grows from nothing, in the swampiest, muddiest waters, it blossoms and becomes the most beautiful flower, amidst an unattractive environment. This is what we must remember sometimes while we struggle with our child, the daily practice, and the unbelievably repetitive repetition. Sometimes we must push through the journey in order to see the most beautiful result.
There is also a difference between discipline and force. Force means you do not have an understanding. Force means you have broken trust. Force means you have selfish intentions, and are feeding the evil wolf. Discipline means there is an agreement, and you are holding them accountable. Discipline means you will always support and have their back, even when they are uncomfortable in the process. Discipline means your intentions are for the betterment of your child’s life skills, not for any sort of fulfillment of yourself. Force is cruel, discipline is tough love.
And yet, a beautiful musician or a well rounded human being cannot be without both of these things; wonder, and discipline. There must be both in order to create long term progress, and to create true success.
True success does not mean they play their instrument well. True success means they play their instrument well and they understand why, and they are inspired by that why, and they can maintain that why.
Why are you having your child play an instrument?