How To Train Your Child's Musical Ear
Does your child struggle with picking out notes on their violin? Do they struggle with rhythms, hearing staccato versus legato, or feeling confident figuring out a new song? Does your child struggle with hearing right versus wrong in a song, or hearing correct intonation?
If this is you or your child, you need to know its all about one simple thing: experience.
This does not (only) mean time. This means exposure. It means listening every day. It means absorbing, interacting, feeling, and listening.
Music was always a part of my life. My mother was a singer, dancer, and choreographer, and my father has always been interested and passionate about music. From the time I was in the womb, to the time I started playing the violin at age 4, I probably had more musical exposure than most people have in their lifetime. Not only was my mother a natural teacher, she was incredibly enthusiastic and thoroughly enjoyed showing us the musical world, and it made all the difference.
My mother sang to me, she had music playing around the house at all times (not violin music until I was 4 years old may I add, because violin wasn’t a part of her life until I started to beg her to play), and we sang songs together. We danced, she would bounce me on her lap to a pulse as we sang together, we clapped in rhythms for fun, and we did everything to music.
When we washed the dishes, we sang together, and when I got good enough at singing simple songs like my ABC’s or Jingle Bells, she would start to harmonize with me as we put the silverware in the drawers and scrubbed the pots and pans.
She showed me her “CD room” where she had armoires of CD and music collections, ranging from Earth Wind and Fire to The New York Symphony. She showed me instrumental jazz bands, Opera singers, men’s acapella groups, and Beethoven Symphonies. She had thousands of CD’s, and every day, multiple of those CD’s were playing around our house.
I had 3 brothers, and we all played piano as well as one other instrument, and of course, we all sang and danced our entire lives. My brothers listened to my Suzuki Violin music so much with me that when I started learning a new piece, they would yell from the kitchen “Emily, that’s not the right note!” And I would yell back “I know! I’m trying to figure it out!”. They would tell me to play Go Tell Aunt Rhody, or Minuet 1, and tell me to work on my intonation or tell me my pulse was off. I had experts all around me, and we all listened to each others music all the time.
We all strived in the musical instruments we loved, but all gained the same components of music— pitch, rhythm, pulse, quality of sound, and dynamics. And music became easy for us.
However, my father has a weak sense of pulse and rhythm. He loves music, but struggles with finding the beat. But that didn’t matter— those genetics didn’t apply to me or my three brothers because of how much great music we did listen to and were exposed to.
If your child is struggling with music, take a moment to think about how different your household is in comparison to the picture I just painted for you. Of course, I am aware that my house was a Broadway Musical in real life, but how far away are you from that picture? If my household was a 10 on a scale of 1 to 10, what would your household be?
The important thing here is exposure. Remember your three styles of listening:
1. Active Listening— listening with the intent to interact or engage. This could be clapping along to a pulse, dancing along to the music, singing along, listening for staccato versus legato, listening for long notes versus fast notes, hearing when the sound goes higher or lower, making up words to the songs, or even something as simple as just sitting and doing nothing else besides taking the music in.
My mom did this with me when I was young. We would put on my Suzuki CD, and dance along to the music. We played clapping games to find the pulse, and of course, always sang along. I have such fond memories of being in my living room and singing O Come Little Children with my mom, and dancing along to the music while the notes were playing, and at the end of the phrase we would pause, like “freeze dance”.
2. Passive Listening— Having the music on, but not really paying attention to it. It’s there, and you know its there, but maybe you are making food, eating a meal, brushing your teeth, driving in the car, doing homework, playing outside, or cleaning the house.
My mom always had my Suzuki CD on when we were doing activities like cleaning the kitchen or when we were sent upstairs to clean our rooms. We played the CD every morning while getting ready for school, and always in the car whenever we went anywhere.
3. Environmental Listening— listening to things besides your Suzuki CD. Showing music in real life, and other styles and forms of music.
This was my mom’s favorite thing to do. She brought us to concerts every week, no matter what the style or genre. She supported all music from the local high school musical to the Chicago Symphony downtown. We went to every single violin recital, every piano recital, every group class concert, and every choir concert we were involved in, and all of us were required to go to each other’s concerts. We listened to all of her CD’s, all styles, all instruments, and showed us the creative possibilities of what we could do with our talents if we practiced enough.
Consider the English language— if you want your child to learn the word “mama”, do you speak the word “mama” to them over and over again? Yes, of course. But that does not mean you stop speaking any other English words around them all the time until they learn the word “mama”.
The average child doesn’t start speaking well or putting words together until about age one and a half to two years old. Does that mean that you don’t expose them to the English Language until they are that old? Absolutely not. It means for 2 whole years they’ve been hearing English, and then all the sudden words and sentences start to explode from their mouths.
Now apply this to violin— so many parents just think that if they are learning Lightly Row, they need to listen to only Lightly Row. Or, they start listening to Lightly Row once their child is on Lightly Row. How can that make sense? How is that learning the language of music? That is slowing down your child’s musical journey, and making it so much harder for them to achieve what is expected of them in the lesson. You need to be listening to the whole CD all the time, as well as incorporating music into your household.
Consider Beethoven for a second. Beethoven was one of the greatest composers of all time, but unfortunately in his later years, he became deaf. And somehow, he still composed incredible music. How? Because for his entire life, he had been so immensely exposed to music, that when he became deaf, he could still hear the music in his head. That’s how strong the music, the pitches, the rhythms, the harmonies, and the instrumental timbre was in his head.
So consider this— if your child is struggling with music, then the amount of exposure and experience is probably not enough. It’s not about forcing them to listen more. It’s not about even practicing listening, or practicing more. It’s about making music a part of your lifestyle.
Here are some quotes by Dr. Suzuki himself from the book “Nurtured By Love” about the importance of parents and listening:
“Listening until we remember is not enough. We must listen until we cannot forget.”
“A child's slowness in any subject indicates a deficiency in his environment, educational or otherwise.”
“An unlimited amount of ability can develop when parent and child are having fun together.”
“Every child improves depending on his/her parents.”
“Creating desire in your child’s heart is the parent’s duty.”
“Don’t hurry don’t rest. Without stopping, without haste, carefully taking one step at a time will surely get you there.”
Happy listening!